When you meet someone for the first time, there are usually some standard questions and topics people chat about and “What job do you do?”, seems to be one of those questions.
There are some jobs that automatically evoke a reaction from people. Usually it piques someone’s interest or an emotion, maybe a career path they had always been interested in following, such as being a forensic scientist, being a film producer or being a teacher. Being a Hypnobirthing Practitioner certainly seems to fall into this category, raising interest AND stirring emotion!
Some people have never heard of Hypnobirthing and are intrigued by it. Others have heard or have even experienced it. Usually, a chat about birth ensues and then an apology because “You must get sick of talking about birth?” – for the record, I never do! Each one is a miracle and a truly special moment, so I always feel privileged when someone chooses to share this intimate moment with me.
Then there are some people who say “oh, we tried for a Hypnobirth, but we failed”. This makes me so sad and also so frustrated. You cannot fail at birth and you can’t fail at Hypnobirthing. Birth is an experience, a journey in bringing your baby into the world, often with many twists and turns. Hypnobirthing is a tool / a technique that can help you to do this – but it also doesn’t guarantee that birth will be pain free, no more than it can offer doves singing and small woodland animals gathering around to watch as you welcome your little one into the world.
“We failed because we decided to have an epidural.”
“We failed because we ended up having a c-section.”
“We failed because I couldn’t keep quiet during my contractions.”
These are not failings, they are a part of YOUR birth story. A Hypnobirthing class does not give you a quick and easy pass to getting your baby. It also doesn’t guarantee that birth will go to ‘plan’, but this in no way means that you failed. Equally, Hypnobirthing does not mean you have to have a natural vaginal birth with no drugs. We are not the birth mafia, we are birth supporters, whatever kind of birth that may be.
I would respond to the above comments with:
Did you understand your options before choosing to have an epidural?
Did you feel fully supported in your decision to have a C-section?
Did you understand the feeling and sensations you were experiencing?
Did you feel confident and informed about the decisions you made?
If you worked hard to informed yourself both before and during your birth; you felt prepared for your birth and the different paths it may take; that you went into your birth feeling calm and confident; you made decisions from a place of knowledge, not out of panic – even if they weren’t your ideal path; knew that your partner was informed, so that you could talk things through together and fully support each other and could work with your caregiving team…then you SUCCEEDED in HYPNOBIRTHING!
Birth is a natural process, not one that can be controlled. We can control our feelings and our mindset and make changes to improve our chances of a better birth, but ultimately Mother Nature has the final say! Birth is a hugely emotional process, so Hypnobirthing offers tools to help you feel calm, in control, empowered and, most importantly, positive.
Every single birth experience is truly unique, even between first and second born children to the same parents. There cannot be a one-size fits all approach to doing this and there certainly can’t be any way to fail at it. Hypnobirthing is different to every couple, but it makes a difference to every birth.
You cannot fail at birth and you cannot fail at Hypnobirthing.