A birth plan is the best way for you to share your hopes and desires with your caregiving team and birth partner. Despite this, so many people are resistant to writing them….because birth rarely goes to plan.
Things rarely happen as we expect them to. Life so rarely goes to plan. Yet we continue to make plans, we continue to envisage how things may turn out.
Background
Just recently I was scrolling through Instagram and I spotted my sons name on a post. Not that out of the ordinary, except his name is a little unusual and we often struggle to buy him personalised items.
The item that had caught my eye was a beautiful knitted italic wire word. They are created from bending and shaping woolen wire to form the letters of a name.
I commented on the post, I couldn’t help myself….simply with “that’s my sons name”.
I know that comments on business posts can help their reach and as a fellow small business owner, I thought it would help this other business and also the image had given me a moment of happiness.
The creator of the post The Crafty Buzzard replied to say she had sent me a private message.
In it she very sweetly offered me the item, it had been made for someone else who had accidentally requested the wrong name.
Surprised, yet grateful I said that I am sure there were other Ellis’s out there who would love it. I was also worried that she would think that was the only reason I had commented!
A few days later she messaged again asking would I like the item. She couldn’t find any other Ellis’s who might like it and it would only go to waste.
I thanked her and promised to share the image on my social media.
It was the least I could do in the situation and a simple way to show my gratitude. She took my address and told me the parcel was addressed to my son.
Expectation…
I didn’t tell my son. I thought it would be a lovely surprise for him. Everybody loves getting post addressed to them. I also knew how downhearted he gets when looking at mugs and keyrings in shops that never have his name, I anticipated his smiling face.
In my mind I visualised the moment he ran from the letterbox, calling for me “mummy, I’ve got some post”. We would open it together. I would tell him the story of how I spotted it and how it seemed like destiny that it was meant for him. I may have got a little carried away with my imagination – it’s covid lockdown, I’ve not got a lot else to focus on! And so I waited…..
But life so rarely goes to plan.
Reality…
The reality is, my son woke me with a confused look on his face saying “mummy, I don’t understand….somebody has sent me something really strange”. My heart leapt, this was our special moment. Then he held up a semi-straightened piece of wire with a label on the end.
In his excitement, he had opened his post on his own, but he hadn’t unstuck the tissue paper carefully and cooed at his gift in wonder. He had stuck his hand into the box, grabbed the item and pulled it out…..unfolding all of those beautiful letters one by one before they even made it out of the packaging.
My heart sank and I spoke without thinking. “Oh Ellis, what have you done? Why have you opened your post without me?”. He sensed the tone in my voice and realised he had made a mistake, even though he still didn’t fully understand what that was.
I felt a rush of guilt that this wonderful person had sent me this item and now all I had to show and share on social media was a bit of kinked woollen metal. What was I going to do?
Bad mummy
I tried to explain this to my son and he started to cry….a lot. He was sad he had ruined his gift. He was sad it had been so special and he knew I felt worried, as I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to the lady that had so kindly sent the gift to him. This was not my finest parenting moment. I should not have conveyed this worry out loud – in my defence this was my wakeup call and I hadn’t had chance to gather my thoughts!
He ran away sobbing and I felt even more guilty. This was not how I had envisioned this moment at all. Something that should have been joyful was becoming quite the opposite.
Reframe and refocus
So, I retrieved the original image and I sat in bed for a little while with the wire and did my best to recreate it.
Calling my son back, I showed him my finished word.
We hugged, he thanked me and he loves it. I think he loves it even more because he now sees what it was and how it was made.
I felt relieved that I had made him happy and that I also had something I can share with the wonderful lady who, without knowing me or my son, sent me something from the kindness of her heart.
Life rarely works out as we imagine. It doesn’t mean the reality we are presented with is bad, it simply means we need to reframe and refocus in the moment.
The birth bit…how this relates to your birth plan
And here is the reason why I am sharing this on my Hypnobirthing website. Because THIS IS BIRTH.
In all my classes, I encourage people to focus and imagine their ideal birth and formulate a birth plan. Knowing what we want from a situation helps us to focus and prepare mentally. Talking about our ideal birth with our birth partner ensures that they know what you want from birth. This means that if you withdraw, they can advocate for you. That ideal birth is the reason we make a birth plan, so we can understand our hopes and options.
Just don’t put that ‘ideal birth’ on a pedestal so that any other reality is a disappointment. Birth rarely unfolds as we imagine it, but neither does life.
We fall in love, we plan our future with that person, but it doesn’t always work out first time. Often we meet someone else more suited to us, who makes us even happier and whom we love even more.
We plan every tiny detail of a wedding, yet things happen on the day and we react and change our plans. Maybe the flowers weren’t what you ordered, but nobody else knows or it rains and everyone has to move inside.
We plan birthdays or holidays and then covid happens and we react and change our plans. And we plan for our birth, but we understand that Mother Nature and luck have a huge hand in things. The power of that birth plan is discussing your options and understanding your hopes.
Life can be as flexible as that unwound piece of wire……but that doesn’t mean the new version can’t be beautiful.
Thank you!
A huge huge thank you to the very lovely Kathryn from The Crafty Buzzard. I’m not sure she realised her generosity would inspire an entire blog. I am certain she didn’t expect it to result in tears, but I am sure she hoped it would make a little boy very happy…..and it has.
He loves his woollen name and so do I.
Please support small businesses. Your purchase makes an actual person smile.